The husband and I have been visiting a church and we both love it. Most likely for different reasons but we do. The first Sunday the entire book of Romans was read from the pulpit and we were hooked. Not because of a dynamic pastor (which he is amazing as well) or because of a particular style of worship (which we do love) but because of THE Word of God. Our bread of life. It was so wonderful because we have been reading through the book of Romans separately in our own personal quiet times. It seemed as though God was saying, "welcome home for a while to a place to be rejuvenated, loved, and faced with some hard truths!"

Hard truths? Yes, my head has been spinning! The first one I have been wrestling with, losing sleep over, praying about,and  talking about is the gospel. Really?? Why in the world is this such a struggle for me, well I am about to get extremely, frighteningly, transparent.

So, in Chapter one of Romans Paul speaks about how he is under obligation, is eager, and is not ashamed of the gospel of Christ. Now those 3 statements alone are enough to make my hands start trembling in fear, my heart start beating fast, and sweat pop out on my forehead. I know that I am not on any level even halfway as passionate about the gospel as Paul was. But the real problem here is WHY? Why do I not share the saving knowledge of Christ with everyone I meet or at the very least my neighbors and friends? Am I afraid? Yes. Am I ashamed? No, I hope not.

Afraid? Why am I afraid? I really have no answer to this question. Quite frankly I think being afraid is stupid, but nonetheless I am. I am by nature a shy person. But more than that I do not like rejection. I hate rejection, I hate confrontation, and I want friends.  With all of this being said, these are excuses. In respect to a person's whole-hearted commitment to God, their eternity with God instead of in Hell apart from Him, and their ability to thrive on this earth in the Joy of the Lord, why in my last 23 years on this earth have I not shared the Gospel with everyone? [As a disclaimer, I KNOW God does not neeed me. I know He gives us grace and uses us in His divine plan. I know the world can come to know Him apart from me, but I also know for some reason He does use us in His plan of spreading His grace to the nations. ]

We were in a small group the other night and there was a woman who is passionate about spreading the gospel. I am not even sure passionate is the correct term to describe her. She said that she loves to look for opportunities to tell others about Jesus and it is FUN. I know a few former students who are like this as well. They have the spiritual gift of evanglism. I am fairly certain that they thrive on telling others about Jesus. They are world changers. I am not one of these people. My passion is discipleship. By that I mean I love to see "baby" Christians grow up in their faith. I love to teach them amazing truths from God's Word and show them how to apply each truth to their lives. I think this is fun, I thrive on the relational aspect of helping a fellow believer begin to love God's word. This being said, does it excuse me from sharing the gospel with others? No, there is no way it does. It can't. So, where do I go from here?

a time to dance

We have been in the middle of packing, unpacking, organizing, reorganizing, and trying to maintain a routine in the middle of this crazy caous. Today, while trying to get our bedroom in order, this little person walked into the room. Not just any little person but my little bitty. Our sweet Amariah who has only been in our lives for 18 short months. She smiled her perfect little smile and raised up her short little arms. And to be honest this less than perfect mommy was a little frustrated, however, I bent down and picked up our little firecracker. You see, I read a blog, or a book, or a fb post, honestly I do not remember, but the advice was priceless. It was to cherish the little moments. When a little one needs attention, give them attention, and don't worry about the the details that are not going to matter in eternity. So, I picked that precious baby up and we danced. She put her chubby cheek up next to mine and we danced, giggled, and I remembered the reasons I love being a mommy.

We have different songs that we dance to and have fun with as a family. One of Abigail's favorites is Hero by skillet, which does in fact make her daddy proud. Hadassah loves any song with the word Hallelujah in it. She has always loved that word. She use to say it was her favorite color as well. One way I know how to get all three of them in the room is to turn on I love the way you hold me by Jamie Grace. They can be anywhere in the house or in the middle of grumpies in the car and we turn that song on and their little bodies start dancing. It is wonderful!! I love that I can turn on a song that worships Jesus and they totally love it and we have a little praise party in our house. God is good and the 3 gifts he has given us are priceless.

On a side note that has nothing to do with this post my Abigail asked me Saturday if she could be a missionary. More about that later, I just want to make sure I have it documented somewhere.