Thursday, January 2, 2014

Abide 2014


Abide. Accept or act in accordance with, obey, observe, follow, hold to, conform to, stick to, heed, these are some of the formal definitions of the word ABIDE.
This is going to be my word for the new year. Specifically relating to my relationship with Christ and flowing out from there to every other aspect of my life. That sounds quite like a grandly simple plan in the ideals of being a Christian, huh? This is where the simplistic grace that we talk about daily overflows with the complexities of the nature of our amazing God through Christ.
And, with that thought I will try and explain what God has shown me just this morning. In the rarity of the quietness in our house.
We have had a rough 2013 to be quite honest. There are some parts of our lives that are simply transparent. The job search, having another miscarriage-knowing the sweet days of a brand new, sweet smelling, little life we are not celebrating as the holidays have come and gone, walking through some hard lessons in our lives while God refines us, financial strain, and then some not so transparent things that just sit in the recesses of my heart. What a year full of hurt. But that’s not the end that is never the end with God. Never. His mercies are new every morning. And yes, I truly mean His sweet mercies are brand new every morning. His provision over this year has been astounding. I cannot even think of a better word. I have been amazed over and over and over at the way He has provided for us. Definitely financially. But spiritually as well, wow. What healing power. He has loved us through so many people this year. I have studied God’s word, poured over His truth, cried with, laughed with, prayed with, and shared coffee and deserts with some of the most amazing women that I personally think walk on this earth. In a year in a half I have formed some of the sweetest and most spiritually deep and challenging friendships of my life. God is good. Walking through the murkiness and darkness it seems like it will never end but having sweet sisters of all ages and backgrounds helping me through each hard and frustrating step has helped me come out on the other side a better person. I am and will always be grateful for this hard hard year.
And now, as we have all prayed, Brian has been hired at a new church. A neat church, a great “fit” and where we know we are called to be. I know. And being my analytical, worrying, detailing self ‘knowing’ is not something that I claim a lot. It is where He truly has directed us.
And I am scared. Just being real. I am nervous. I am excited. And I am full of hope. But I know I need to walk through this new phase with a strong goal and a deep conviction so that January 1,2015 I can say wow once again at the amazing things God did while I clung to Him.
I think the word abide fits so well because I picture a little kid, ok to be honest a scared little girl, clinging to her mommy or daddy’s leg, taking each step with them and not missing a beat. Because to calm her anxious heart she needs to be right there. To feel the warmth of that body that she knows will protect her at all costs. To know that at any moment, if the need arises, that parent will scoop her up in their arms and face the danger, the hard terrain, or  lift her up to see the beautiful breathtaking view she just can’t quite see and handle on her own.
That’s the beginning, to take every step, every breath, every heartbeat together. To be so consumed in God that His life and love flows through my veins. 
“Abide in me and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine and you are the branches . Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.” John15:3-5
I think that He has been teaching me this past year to abide, to know that everything good comes from Him, to understand that my next step must be lined up with His so that I can bear fruit. Not just fruit but much fruit. And not for me but simply for His glory.  The next step never means I leave Him. I lean on Christ and draw from Him more heavily because bearing fruit means that I nourish others as well. That’s what fruit does. The flowers pollinate and replenish many things unseen. The harvest is not known to that flower and the fruit is consumed and used for the good of others. The branch is used as a vessel to produce all of these and without the vine the branch dies. Without the fruit the branch dies.
We have been through a long winter and I’m not sure I  have produced much fruit, I have sat and soaked up the teachings just as a branch sits dormant in the winter but just after winter comes that glorious spring. And that is the abiding that God is calling me to know. To hang on and get fed so I can be poured out for others.
The chapter  goes on to say, “If you abide in me and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. By this my father is glorified that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. As the father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love just as I have kept my father’s commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you that my joy may be in you and your joy may be full.”
It is so deep, and so hard, yet so simple. Abide in Christ. Walk daily with Him, keep His commandments, produce fruit, glorify God, be full of joy. He lays it all out. I just need to start/continue by abiding. In Him all of the time.
I know this is all symbolic and it makes perfect sense in my mind because God really spoke to me through simply writing this passage out this morning. And if you’ve stuck with me through the end of this blogpost I thank you and challenge you to set a spiritual goal for the year, maybe even a word to be your mantra. To remind you of what God is teaching you.

Friday, April 12, 2013

Five Minute Friday:Here

5 Minute friday again! whoohoo
objective: write 5 minutes, no backtracking or editing.
word: Here


"My comforter, my all in all, Here in the love of Christ I stand."
I stand in Christ's comfort after these last few weeks. Well, I stand in it and sometimes I crumble and fall in it folded up like a scared, worn out child, with tears streaming down my face and His comfort surrounding me. But that's where I am. Still sad at times but knowing that Christ is my all in all. He is all I need, all I really want deep in my soul even when my flesh cries out for false comfort.  He is the only thing that truly satisfies.

"For every sin on Him was laid, Here in the death of Christ I live."
I live here everyday. In His death-which brought me life. Life abundantly, Life everlasting. My sin, oh the sin that entices me so often has been defeated. I must learn to walk in His victory, to stand in His grace and to love in His freedom.

"Til He returns and calls me home, Here in the power of Christ I stand"
I stand in His power. His power to walk through the unknown. To make life work in this apartmentw ith three littles all day. The power to trust when finances just aren't there. The power to love this amazing man God has given me that works so hard for us.
STOP

I love the song "In Christ alone" that is where I found these lyrics. It's my lifesong at the moment. It is the first song we heard at North Brook as well:)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvnpcKUrCo4

Here is the link to Lisa-Jo baker's five minute friday: http://lisajobaker.com/category/five-minute-friday/


Friday, April 5, 2013

Faith comes from hearing the Word of God.

Fear comes from the Father of lies.

Faith gives strength in the midst of cauos.

Fear strangles your next step.

Faith rests on God's promises and love.

Fear wonders around in the dark wounded by things not seen.

Faith closes its eyes and takes a leap, a leap towards what's ahead, a leap toward a promise, a leap carried by God's hand.

Fear is paralyzed. Afraid. In chains. Not able to move.

Faith seems hard but it depends on what your faith is anchored in, in God's truth, faith is hard but fear is harder.

 Fear is dehabilitating.

Give me faith, more faith. Faith that moves mountains and calms hearts. Faith that walks in truth. In light and in love. I need more faith. No fear, just faith!
The Cross.
Wooden, hard, cruel, lonely, excruciating, hopeless, hurtful, dangerous, feared, humiliating, death. Mourning.

When I think about how thousands of years ago criminals were put to death in this torturous way these are the words that come to my mind. The cross was not a place for celebration. The cross was death. Naked, ashamed, alone and in horrendous pain criminals died on this wooden object, most by suffocation. Horrible.

Yet, we as Christians sing songs titled the Wondrous Cross, wear crosses around our necks as a symbol, and say phrases such as "take up your cross and follow Jesus."
 
WHY?
 
JESUS.
 
Jesus brings hope, peace, joy, love, grace, comfort, excitement. LIFE
 
Jesus is the difference. Without the entire truth of the cross, the cross we mourn and celebrate, then it is all in vain. God demanded a blood sacrifice for our sins. Nothing up until Jesus' death was enough. Nothing. Then Jesus comes to earth. Yes, born of a virgin. In a lowly stable. The king wanted him dead from the beginning, shepherds worshipped Him, His family did not believe in Him, His disciples were a ragtag bunch of men that denied Him and ultimately gave their lives for Him, the religious leaders hated Him, wise men sought Him, crowds followed Him, crowds turned on Him, miracles were seen, accusations were made: life was different.
 
Once Jesus came to earth nothing was the same. We can deny Him, we can accept Him, we can ignore Him, we can worship Him, we can love Him, or we can hate Him. The choice is ours but eternity is at stake. The difference is the blood.The difference is sinlessness. The difference is forgiveness. The difference is His willing sacrifice. The difference is My Savior.
 
Without the Cross there would be no payment, no redemption, no life. But, without the Resurrection there is no hope. Our pastor said this morning that we must believe that Jesus was really, truly dead. That His heart stopped beating and His brain stopped working, He wasn't just hanging out in the tomb waiting. He was dead. I've believed that. I truly have, but it hit me hard this morning. Can you imagine as his mother, his followers, the ones who had given up their livelihood to follow Him to see Jesus dead?

If we believe in the death but not the Resurrection then we have no hope. We are stuck in our sins always waiting for "Sunday morning." waiting for the hope and  living in the dark. But it is not hopeless. Jesus arose from the grave, not as a spirit but as a person. He ate, He drank, He loved his disciples. He was still fully God and fully man.
 
SO, my question from before was why? why do we sing about this wonderful cross that killed our beautiful Jesus? Because that was suppose to be my cross, because that was suppose to be my death, and because the cross was not the end. Oh no sweet friends it looked like the end, but it was the beginning.
 
So come, come to the cross, come to my Savior. Find redemption, because it wasn't just my cross, it was yours too. And it's not just my hope, it can be yours too.
 





5 minute Friday: After

5 minute Friday is here again:)
Word: after
rules:write for 5 minutes and stop

I saw this theme a few hours ago and right away the song "not for a moment" at least I think that is the title came to my mind. It has been flowing through my mind all day. The line with the word after says, "after all You are constant after all you are only Good after all you are sovereign, not for a moment will you forsake me."

Wow! I just have to take a breath and think about this. This has kinda been my mindset. My husband and i are walking through a valley one that has gotten a little darker in the last few weeks. I was standing in our wonderful church 2 weeks ago and we were singing a song, I don't know what song but it was time to worship. I felt the Holy Spirit say, "You have to choose, am I good all the time? Do you believe what you are prompted to sing? I need your complete trust."

The answer is yes! God is only good. I don't always understand but He is wholly good. He is constant. He is not going to leave me. I may not like the trial. I may not like the hurt but I am in the palm of His hand, always.

Stop
Here is a link to her song. Meredith Andrews and its called "after all"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08s3GKRict8&noredirect=1

http://lisajobaker.com/2013/04/five-minute-friday-after/ Here is the link to the origional 5 minute friday blog.







Friday, March 29, 2013

5 minute friday:Broken. And I cheated this time, more than 5 minutes

5 minute Friday. The word is broken. The assignment. Write 5 minutes. And then stop.
Well, I started and I did not stop but it's where I am. I needed to finish.

 Broken. A broken vase, a broken car, a broken chair, a broken arm, a broken home, a broken heart:  A broken heart. A hurt so deep and strong you are not sure your next breath will come. A silent pain that no one can fix. In a room full of people the hurt is so deep  I feel alone. Broken. In a van full of laughing, singing, and talking little princesses silent, hot, and forbidden tears begin to flow as I  wonder what might have been. When the sweet toddler needs a cuddle I have a catch in my throat knowing what a blessing she is and aching for the losses. While they are skipping, singing, playing, jumping, and sliding at the park I remind myself to enjoy them. To be in the moment while I feel overwhelmed by the joy they are and the sadness in my heart: broken.

My heart so full of love. So full of life's joys yet it feels empty as well. There is no easy explanation, just a brokenness. Nothing fixable, a deep raw hurt that a bandaid, a bandage, or "well meaning words" won't heal. Life goes on and moves fast even when I feel like it's standing still: it doesn't wait. It doesn't wait for anything or anyone. The broken heart keeps beating. I'm reminded to put one foot in front of the other, enjoy life. And I do. I enjoy my babies, my husband, my God. I love my friends and my church family. I celebrate life with them and morn loses with them. All the while, I grieve. A hug from the husband brings tears, sometimes his, mostly mine. But he's patient and loving, and grieving: he's broken too. A smile from a child hurts my heart. The smell of a newborn makes my arms ache. Among the joy there is pain; brokenness.

I've learned one thing recently. I feel guilty. I feel guilty for grieving. For so many reasons but mainly for the people in my life that like to  press me to move on to get over it and forget. They either say outright rude things or use passive aggressive words to say that others have it worse and I should really just be ok. And while in everyone else's eyes maybe I should; I'm not. I need to let the guilt go and let myself process and hurt while walking with Christ in worship. He gave us emotions and the deep ability to love.  And i loved. We loved, we lost and we must let go, but we won't forget. A broken heart doesn't mean my life stops, I don't stop feeling, but at the surface of all of my emotions is sadness. Sadness wrapped in joy.


I have Joy that through Christ I need not stay broken. His sweet mercies are new every morning. Even if the middle of the night seems hopeless and dark, his joy comes in the morning. His love never fails. And if anyone knows what it's like to be broken, it's Jesus. He was broken for me. I don't understand it and I can't comprehend it, but I believe it. I know it's true. Through his wounds( his brokenness) we are healed. Healed. Whole. Made new.

And, Jesus is enough. Leaning on Him, trusting in Him, letting Him love me. He is enough. But He didn't promise life without pain. He actually promised life with pain, He just promised to sustain us. This is where I am, broken and hurting, but knowing that My reedemer lives. And I know I can make it through this process. My house may be a little messier than usual, my smile might fade much quicker, my ability to stay in a crowd might not be very strong, it may take me a few extra minutes to find a song to worship with, I may get frustrated much eaiser, and count the hours til I can just sleep a while, but I know he promises beauty from ashes.


The Spirit of the Lord  God  is upon me, because the  Lord  has  anointed me to bring good news to 
the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and  theopening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the  Lord 's favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; to grant to those who mourn in Zion— to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the  Lord ,  that he may be glorified. (Isaiah 61:1-3 ESV)

To go from being broken to an oak of righteousness planted by the Lord will be amazing. The process may be painful but the end will be beautiful. And God will be glorified. 








Saturday, March 23, 2013

5 minute Friday: remember

So, I'm technically 2 days late on five minute Friday but I'm gonna write it anyway:)
Rules write for 5 mins.  From Lisa Jo baker: word~ remember.


My 3 sweet lovies. As beautiful an unique as can be. I pray that when you are older and look back at your time with us at home~ wherever home may be in that memory~ that you remember love. I pray you are confident in the fact that your daddy and I love you. We are crazy about you. Each one of you. We love you the same amount but each in an entirely different way because that's what you require. You are each vastly different individuals so you require different love.
 I hope you remember giggles and laughter, piggyback rides and tickle wars, singing sweet songs and dancing your hearts out in the kitchen. Oh, I pray you remember the good times the happy loving times.

I also pray you remember the bad. With beautiful rose colored glasses that make the memories sweet. That in the bad times you remember your daddy and I seeking Christ as hard as we can. And loving each other the best two imperfect people can love. I pray you remember the piles of dirty and clean laundry. The toys on the floor and the crayons on the table. Why? To remember the joy. The joy in being a kid and the joy in knowing your mommy isn't perfect and you don't have to be either.

I pray you remember love....

STOP


5 mins up. I may have to revisit this one and finish it:)